September 09, 2001 / 9:03 p.m.

I think I'm fairly normal. I have good days, I have bad days. Today was one of the latter. As this is my "venting/ranting forum", I will post my mental drivel here.

I'm sick of being the funny girl. I'm sick of being the one everyone turns to with their relationship problems, their family problems, the one you call up when you're depressed and want a giggle. I don't have anyone like that. I am that. I sort of know now how my mother feels...but at least she has my father to lean on. Some would say I have my roommate, but I don't want to lean on St. Boi too much. Maybe I'm just jealous. The vast majority of my friends are very pretty people. Most of them are happily coupled. I'm sure that most of them also probably have issues. But, I'm just ranting here.

I did nothing today. It felt allright. Listened to a book reading on NPR, played Pokemon Stadium 2 with St. Boi. Nothing bad. I guess that I'm just in a "funk". One that I've been in, or at least had the shadow of being in for the past 12 years.

*shakes her head violently* Ugh, ok, huge downer, I know. I'm pretty sure I'll feel better once I start working again. Once I start feeling useful. I just now feel like a huge lump of atoms that serve no purpose. Hell, I'm not even pretty. I make a crappy throw pillow. The fact that I have nothing to be sad about makes me more depressed.

On the plus side: I start work tomorrow. I get to see TMBG on the 27th. My fingernails are green. My friends care. I've got cigarettes.

I just wish I could feel the plus side more than the glaring negative: I'm pretty much alone.

sarah

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