April 07, 2002 / 8:38 p.m.

Feelings.

I saw AB yesterday. I love him. I love him like I love the bluebonnets that are rioting wild in the field behind my apartment building, like I love warm, lazy mornings when I've nowhere to go and nothing to do right away.

I'm sure I could fall in love with him. However, that's not something I can really allow myself to do. We can't date because he's not comfortable with the distance. And that's fine. Because I love him.

But on the same token, I'm angry with him for making me have to monitor my feelings. I'm angry with him because he is so sweet. Angry that he doesn't want to take this chance.

On the other hand, I feel horribly lucky that someone like him does care for me. I now feel that I'm not past redeeming. That maybe redemption isn't even what I need, that its utterly overrated. I feel that right now, all I need is myself and this moment.

So, AggieBoy, I thank you for giving me a moment I can solidify and harden, and push down into me for when times get bad. I'll always have your lips on my ear, whispering to me.

"What's up?" I'll forever ask. And you'll forever grin, and say:

"Nothing."

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